Calvin Harris in 'good' shocker

Well, well I'm surprised. I thought this guy was as much of a cunt as you did. His collab with Dizzee always gets my booty bouncing but the man himself is a massive stain. His lame appearances on T4 and hawking of Acceptable in the 80s at any festival of the 08 appeared to cement that.

However, right now this new single is sounding amazing. Maybe in two weeks when it's literally everywhere it'll sound like a sack of hairy balls. But, despite beginning like an early Snow Patrol b-side, it blasts off into Fred Falke territory via Detroit and some serious finger wiggling... This is his post on the MySpace from end of January...

'Pete Tong had the first play of I'm Not Alone on friday, that's my new single, it's on my music player now.
In an attempt to delay piracy i have given it an "I'm Your Nan" remix, so i hope you enjoy that.
Obviously I hope you like it, it's had some interesting reactions so far - a lot of them good, some of them bad!
For those hating, please be aware that what i'm trying to do is make memorable music, and given that i have already made songs that sound like Acceptable in the 80s and The Girls, and indeed 'Dance Wiv Me' it's time to move on and keep it interesting, which involves taking risks, one of those risks being that perhaps nobody will like it...!
But i would much rather that be the case than i make some cut up distorted blog house tune, i think there is enough of that around at the moment.
So give it a chance won't you?
Thanks
Calvin x'

I'd seriously advise you to check it on da MYSPACE...

Yacht a lot of rubbish

Maybe I’m just slow, but the musical strain of non-deviancy that is yacht rock appears to be making something of a resurgence right about now. So named cos its makers used to hang around on yachts snorting beak and guzzling champagne, it’s yer basic soft rock. But inherently strong.

We even ventured to Sail on Sailor, an evening hosted by Johnno Burgess from Bugged Out and dedicated to the smooth vibes of Toto and the Doobie Brothers. It was at the Queen of Hoxton, a suitably tacky bar which aims to be trendsville Shoreditch personified but falls somewhat short of making it due to a lack of small dogs and big hair.

Highlights from the night included Private Eyes by Hall & Oates, seeing Erol Alkan fiddling with Mr Burgess’ knobs (arf arf), a 12 minute version of Africa by the aforementioned Toto. Then we left, went home to indulge in more yacht-based antics. Balearic.

Here's Toto's Africa in all its glory - and if you can find it seek out a copy of the Resident Advisor podcast by Johnno Burgess.

No beef but come on mate

At the minute I’m being bombarded by remixes from Herve aka The Count aka one half of Dead Soul Brothers aka Speaker Junx. Seemingly everyone wants his bass heavy production fingers stuck inside them, rejiggling their insides and straightening their face.

About two years ago every thing Herve touched was total hype - Roisin Murphy, Princess Superstar and the Chemical Brothers have been some of the big name benefitees. 12 inches of rejigs and original material were popping out all over the place. Herve appeared as a particularly fertile musical mother who couldn’t go for a walk or look at a set of railings without becoming pregnant with tune, opening his legs and spilling out another bastard offspring with a bassline for an umbilical cord.

Flash forward to 2009 - he’s ubiquitous and ended up remixing celebrity brat and perpetual attention seeker Lily Allen in a dubstep stylee - See what you think.



Incidentally we tried to book Herve for a party in Sheffeel about two years ago. He blew us out for a Daft Punk after party.

Zoo Zoo Zoo

Myself and Jeff visited London zoo on Valentine’s Day last month. Here’s what we saw - special props to my sister for sorting the guest list - and extra props to the vultures. Apparently they're the highest flying bird. One caught out by a plane doing the wiggle at 37,000 feet. Hype?



Gary Ablett



Long neck flex



A hog



Strong Meerkat vibes



Murderah!



Squat flex



Yes?



Bearded pig getting a honk on

Hype delivers

At the start of the year La Roux was among the names being warbled about by every bozo and his fucking dog. I initially cast her in the same box (I.e coffin) as Florence and the Machine and the increasingly irritating Little Boots - the one full of rusty nails, cat shite and no talent.

However her new record is genuinely ace. And even better is the Skream remix. Along with yer boy Toddla T he should have been in the list of hype acts for 09. Check him here at Stealth a couple of weeks dropping his own rerub - witness the sickness…



And considering he’s the poster boy for dustep he’s put together a rather tasty and surprising disco mix up. Check it here...

Kid Acne and the Brokeback bowlers

The other week we visited Bloomsbury Lanes. It was to check a gig from that man Kid Acne, South York’s answer to T-Pain. For a Friday night, it was predictably mental set amidst hoards of people get their rocks off and getting pissed in the lanes. That man Ackers stomped about bellowing out his hits through a sound system “made of custard” according to his bro Chips for the Poor. It was a fun eve and I passed out on the bus on the way back. Maxi-standard as they say.

Incidentally we saw two manly lovers who appeared to be dressed as cowboys at the lanes. I was shitted enough to pap them. These are the best of a very poor collection of 15 photos of these two ‘Brokeback bowlers’ as we affectionately dubbed them.







And here’s the video to Eddy Fresh, full of minor Sheffield celebs. Word.

Witter Witter Witter

As we’re in the mood for writing, here’s a couple of links to words I’ve squeezed out on the typewriter of late. For the Fact website there’s a review of Get Physical’s Final Song compilation, a collection of tracks picked by ice-cold Dj types as the song they would have sound tracking their funeral. The second (for Inthenews) is a waffle ting on N.A.S.A’s collaborative effort, the Spirit of Apollo. It’s in a weird format which they insist on using. I don’t know - see what you think You can check the verse here and here.

Writing about Final Song, opened up another line of thought for me - Which Djs would I wish to see dead. With the possible exception of Gilles Peterson, I’d be relatively happy for the selectors on the disk in question to stay alive for a while longer. Despite the penchant of many of ’em to bore the pants offa me (Ricardo Villobos - I’m looking at you here sunshine) there are many more bastards who deserve to feel the reaper’s wrath. Two fingers up at bad vibes. This is vibes.

If I had to pull the trigger on a member of the djing elite Tiesto would have to the one to taste the dirt. Inexplicably the top DJ in every poll ever, this Danish muscle man is a purveyor of trance and to many idiots across the globe some sort of demi-god. He’s a twat as he takes his work (let me remind you - it’s trance we’re talking about) very seriously, describes his last few years as a ‘journey of defining moments’ and has pushed the concept of brand in dance music as far as it will go. Someone should do us all a favour and push this cunt in the canal. Shank him.

If you're a hater, then join up with this lucid dude here. He's also a hater and is not afraid.

Here’s how bad he is…



If you manage to watch the whole of this shite, then you'll need some sort of earwash. Try this. It's one of the tunes from Steak, a piece of French cinematic oddness with input from Edbanger stars SebastiAn, Mr Oizo, Sebastian Tellier and Kavinsky. It's joyous and mental. Props to her Bajesty for digging it out.