Lost in Essex

When work parties get out of hand, I usually end up getting lost - the latest one was no exception. Shit got pretty wild after the first bottle of jager was demolished inside 60 minutes - Fuck knows what happened after the second one but I found myself in a field somewhere near Essex at about 3 in the morning with no real idea of how I got there. A low ebb if ever there was one. Here's the Twitter transcript detailing my journey home if anyone actually gives a shit. It isn't a cry for help. I should just stop drinking quite as much...

Right. I've woken up. In a field. Somewhere near colchester. Right. It's ten to 4 in the am. Right. What the fuck?!

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

I'm near the m11? I've never heard of the fucking m11. It don't even seem like it's near london. How the fuck did I get here?

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

If anyone, and I mean anyone, has any fucking info on how to get out of here then please give us a buzz.

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Honestly. I'm near fucking cambridge. Wurt? I'm about tn start walking down a motorway. Good plan right? Haha

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

I mean I think i'm near stansted? But I'm not sure. Unsure http://yfrog.com/kjpajkj

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

I was sleeping in a field before. I mean really. I'm absolutely miles from anywhere.

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

It's a sign to hertford http://yfrog.com/kejgydj

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Update- in a service station. Still not technically sure where the fuck I am. Or how i've got here. Getting hysterical

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Where am i?

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Woke up in a field. Fuck's sake

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

@benjaminbump second hand emulsion mate. Apparently i'm near bishop stowtford? The security card has told me
9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Turns out i'm here? Still no fucking idea http://yfrog.com/ke1t7jtj

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Next time I drink jager straight from the bottle I might buy an atlas as well @benjaminbump

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

I would never go to bishop stortford sober. Never. It's the arse end of arse

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

The milk man was really nice. Almost too nice. Hold tight my no kip crew

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

There must have been 'girls' involved in this. Must have been

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Thank fuck the train is here. Thank fuck

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Every time we have a work's do I end up snapping back into conciousness at least 40 miles away from my bed. At least.

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Always on me todd and with no clue how i've got there. No clue

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

'I still have last night in my body. I wish you were with me' #jager #bincrew #gusgus

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Right. Back at liverpool street. Where this epic 8 hour journey to london fields via stansted began. Sozzles for rambling

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

It's a five minute journey. If you don't pass out. Then go for a walk with randoms. And get in a car. To a field. Near a motorway.

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Next time I sleep rough, I'll do it somewhere other than essex

9 Jul Favorite Reply Delete

Oh-er



And we're back in the land of the living - but where?



Lonely motorway vibes - There's a Suede song in here somewhere...



If only they were telling the fucking truth



Hello



Puerile to the end