Saturday, 5 July 2008

Breakfast vibes

Vibing - vibing... Here's the breakfast of a recent Saturday hangover. It was a fucking sweet make no mistake...

Recently I’ve been getting signed up to all sorts of record label mailing lists and press tings. You’re thinking free records yes yes yes but it sounds a lot more exciting than the reality is. Although good stuff does sometimes wind its way to me, usually it’s some fucking minimal remix of those winging posh lads Foals or a breaks related ‘piece’ that makes the letter box attempt to sick it back out on the postman.

If the music itself isn’t total bad wank, then the delivery of it is overly complex. I’ve travelled all the way to Doncaster to pick up a cd-shaped parcel that, with a bit of thinking outside the box on the part of our postman, could probably have slipped in through our front door like a slug in a slot machine.

That shit is all by the by. What I’m hollering about here is that last week I received two records which maybe possibly the worst tings I’ve heard in some time.

I had to review ‘em and slagged these pair of aural hate crimes mercilessly. However they need to be avoided like an itchy paedo. Or a ploughman’s package with a mouldy spoon. So watch out for them.

First up are A-Human, an electro-rock band birthed skawking and screaming from the Jesus Jones school of dance music.

If you don’t hate them from the first listen, (with songs as Post Post Modern Anxiety Blues and The Fraudulent Truth of an Office Worker, it’s difficult not to), then a few excerpts from the press release may tip you over the edge.

The band is led by singer Dave Human, who modestly describes himself as ‘modern day literary oddball’.

Let’s let Dave explain his (piss) artistry and the brilliance of his odes- “I don’t see myself as a poet necessarily - I muse on things. It’s just a silly perception of whatever it is that I feel particularly at that time of day is bothering me so it could be anything. I’m a fumbler.”

The pr spiel concludes that A Human, “as a package, are a real slap in the face. Distinctly odd, a bit over the top, whatever the label - this is one band that won’t, and shouldn’t, be ignored.” Jesus - don’t fucking ignore this bullshit - run for the fucking hills.

The Infadels’ new album shows a shameless attempt to bite down on the jugular of the mainstream with a lack of dignity akin to fun bag inflater Jodie Marsh. Their second record has seen them attempt to reinvent themselves as a baggy guitar band rather than the peddlers of snotty (admittedly average) electro rock that they were before . Any band who appear to want to ape James need to be put down. Simple…

Both on Wall of Sound and both total turd - and this from the label where Stuart Price aka Les Rhythmes Digitales released records that made Madonna’s musical growler weep for joy. They’ve fucking lost it - FACT.