Monday, 23 December 2013

Pig's Ear Beer Festival

The Pig's Ear Beer Festival is a proper event in the Hackney pisshead's calendar. Now in its 30th year, the event takes place over the course of a week and is an excuse for a weird strain of men to gather together under one roof to sample a dazzlingly large selection of brews, make notes and mutter into their wayward beards. That is the vibe. Socks, sandalls, muchos facial hair, grumpy and ever so slightly smelly. We had a lovely time sampling some ales which tasted like butter, some which tasted of diesel and others which tasted of cheese. My guts were grateful that we only attended one of the five days... 

Steven Spewbag presents...

The battlefield - note large bloke quota

Enjoying a tipple

At one stage it felt like the room was spinning


Thanksgiving din dins

Thanksgiving is a date in the calendar which always passes me by without incident. But this year we were lucky enough to be invited to a very swanky gaff on Bermondsey Street to sit at a table and feast on loads of delicious fatty foods. It was marvelous and made incredibly funny by turning up slightly drunk and being subject to a snooty, slightly snotty lady called Christina. Her daughter 'owned' the flat we were at (Christina had bought it and bequeathed the up market gaff to her little angel). So this old bat rolled up and patronised us to fck. When she wasn't doing that, she was ignoring us. We drank everything we had, got politely asked to leave ('the party is wrapping up guys'), then our in-law was too pished to walk down the stairs. Big up all involved...

Christina's seat at the table
Listening to Christina talk about herself

Oh dear


More lols


Balearic Mike

Balearic Mike is one of my favourite DJs. Everything about him is ace. The name, the slight podge (gained from a life spent drinking beers and searching/longing for vinyl), the fact he's a Manc, his flowing mane of hair and funny dress sense all make for a character who's almost larger than life. Add up all that, plus his impeccable taste in music and you've got a right dude on your hands. We caught him down at the Dance Tunnel in Dalston where he played a load of hot boogie business for Disco Bloodbath.

He didn't seem too impressed when I drunkenly staggered over  to say how much I loved his aura. But hey ho - check out a mix below. It's top banana...


Balearic Mike in the  mix

Kiss the Fist is coming back

Kiss the Fist is our unreliable little club night and is returning for some New Year's Eve shits and giggles at the Crooked Billet booze in Clapton. If you ain't ever been, you can expect a lot of disco, binge drinking and possible tantrums. It's an event... for those in the team, see you there...

Heritage award with Orbital

PRS for Music gives out heritage awards to musicians and acts the organisation believes have done some great work over the course of their careers. It's an accolade which goes down with a wee ceremony and a few speeches and shiz. Me and my work buddy Carl had to go along to the last one with Orbital and speak to them about their first gig at the Garage in Highbury and Islington. Here are a few snaps and you can watch the video via the link below. You can almost make out my ugly mug in the mirror of the dressing room where the chat went down. Avert your eyes!


The big reveal


Having a lovely time in Brighton

Brighton is undoubtedly a place of bare vibe. You've got a beach on your doorstep, the seaside and all the amusement amusement arcades bring. It's probably as close as you can get to balearia without leaving the British Isles. We went last month to visit our chums Hannah and Si and had a total ball. We spent a lot of time drinking, eating and even skimming stones like real dudes and also decided to stay on the Sunday night to really make the most of our weekend. Which made for a very tired Monday. These were the two most eye opening things we learned from our trip to Brighton... 

1. If you can, avoid the Whistlestop shop near platform 13 of Victoria. We had to get our train from there but hadn't stocked up on supplies for the hour and a bit journey. So were forced into stopping at Whistlestop and being stung for £23 for 4 beers, pack of fags and (discounted) BLT. As we said to the man 'London - we can't afford you'. 

2. Piranha 3D is one of the most preposterous films ever. Ever! Kelly Brook gets her whaps out and a dude's penis gets eaten up by one of these vicious little fishes. Cos it's in 3D, the broken nob almost comes out of the screen and into your face before getting snaffled. It 's ridiculous.

Japes at a craft shop

That view

Mooching on the pier

Donner! We didn't ask whether her surname was 'meat'

The world

Tory cunts - does what it says on the tin fam
Call the cops mate

New LP insurance

Shocked by Piranha 3D