Thursday, 2 June 2016

Bumping uglies

There have been some bare tunes going on bruv and you know what, they're hard to resist now that summer is rearing its ugly head once again. Oh shopkeepers of East London - Get out your blue plastic bags and your Red Stripes. We're coming for them...

See that woman over there with Putin - she's not Russian. She's just taking her time...

Well. Well. Well. Shit has been going on whether it's on the breakfast plate or in political spheres. In the latter the world's stupidest wig wearers (Johnson - Trump) are bashing it out for the accolade of 2016's biggest dick. Who will win? Only time will tell but hopefully neither. Elsewhere, we've been flogging belongings at the car boot, drinking in the Grace Jones biog, deciphering Europe, lookening sickening and keeping it FUCKING REAL BROSEPHS.


Even when you run out of bog roll, they come in handy

Shit is going on in SuperKebab
The Marquis is getting a refurb
At the car boot
Shut up and dance
Saving Grace 

Dalston wo(men) vs Istanbul kebabs

When we told some folk we were going to Istanbul the other month, they looked at us with worry and uncertainty. You're going there? Why are you going there? This was after the recent terror attacks in the Turkish capital so I guess their concerns were warranted. But when we landed the vibe was still extremely large and in charge despite the recent traumas. There certainly weren't many Brits on the flight over and the Air BNB dude Ali (nice, decent, thorough, peculiar of gait) said the city was quieter than usual but everyone we met was totally vibes and seemed unfazed by goings on.

As such, we didn't let the recent badness piss on our chips. Instead, our trip was spent catching ferries, mooching, avoiding the hustle and zorbing between tourist spots while attempting to imbibe as many kebabs as possible. This was perhaps one of the best bits. For living in Dalston it is truly a pleasure to be surrounded by so many Turkish joints (Superkebab - I'm looking at you here babs) but this jaunt was almost a pilgrimage to the homeland of this meaty, veggie, greasy, bready treat.

We spent much of the space in between the Blue Mosque, the Hagia Sophia and Taksim Square with our gobs open noshing. Here are the best things we ate and why yo.

Fish sandwich

Not technically a kebab sure (there's nothing technical about this - it wasn't a kebab - it's a fish butty) but you still need to get this stuffed inside you. You can get them by the Galata Bridge and they come served with a pickle juice. Sit by the bins and try to eat them while avoiding the seagulls attempting to peck you to death. Yummo?  
Kasap Osman

We were on our way to the Blue Mosque when we happened upon this beauty. Recommended by our man Joe Todd we hadn't even had breakfast before taking it on. And why not? If you're not averaging two kebabs a day, then you're behaving incorrectly. 

We had to go down a street full of men smoking and drinking to find this place but don't let that put you off or distract you. It's a truly wonderful place where they even gave our kebab a little hat made out of bread. Whoops... 


This was served up on the main tourist drag of Istikal Street and was a trick you should not fall for. You see these young men slicking up loads of delicious looking meat from the elephants legs on display. But when you go over and ask for one, they go round the back and serve you one of these things. It's about 50p sure but fam, where's the meat yo? 

Hamdi Kebab
This joint is towards the southern end of the Galata Bridge and is elevated. So, if heights are your bag, you can grab a great view of Istanbul. It was raining when we went in so you couldn't see fuck all but no matter, the meat was top class. There were a lot of old turks in here with trophy wives which suggests it's could be a classy establishment. Get yourself in there...

We used this as a guide - plus special props to Joe Todd for the encouragement.