Well hey kitty gurlllllllll ... if, like us, you're addicted to Ru Paul's Drag Race, then you might have been there in January, hunched over a computer refreshing your browsers in a bid to snare a ticket for Ru Paul's Battle of the Seasons extravaganzaaaaaaa.
They sold out back then but the live circus, chaired by Ru Paul side kick, best friend and series judge Michelle Visage, only rolled into (Kentish) town just da other week, spearheaded by some of the best queens from the show. We'd stumped up the 50 notes to witness series winners such as Jinkx Monsoon and Sharon Needles do their thing. Was it worth it? The jury is still out...
If you're unaware, the series is loosely based on America's Top Model, but instead of aspiring fashion fans, you've got drag queens, all with the same quivering vibes, neuroses and insanity of their more straight-laced counterparts. Presented by Ru Paul, the telly show pits these egos against each, with every season dreaming up increasingly unhinged challenges and battles. So what did we learn from two hours in the company of Ru Paul's queens?
Where's Ru dude?
Ru ain't here. His presence is felt throughout the thumping soundtrack, voice-overs, interviews and vibe. But without him ... gah ... apparently it take a LOT of money to get him on a plane...
Michelle Visage has 'new tits'
Visage acted as compere and in house motor mouth for the night. When she wasn't banging on about her 'new tits' (her words), she was yabbering on about what great mates she is with Ru. Then singing a turn. Then talking about her time on Big Brother. She's fucking nuts mannnnnnn...
Sharon Needles had a cat - and now she doesn't
Needles is the edgiest, most out there of all the queens on the tour. Her participation involved doing a rendition of Space Oddity dressed as Bowie and dedicating it to her recently passed cat. RIP Cerrone.
Anastacia has still got it
Anastacia, the American singer songwriter, was brought on by Michelle Visage for a rendition of I'm Outta Love. She absolutely smashed it.
Fleur East has never had it
X-Factor winner and squeaky clean lobotomised pop star Fleur East was wheeled on stage for a version of the Snatch Game, a comedy sequence from the show. She quietly chuckled her way through it before having to say the word 'dildo'. Terrible.
Everyone has an album - and it's out on iTunes now
While the queens are best known for their drag, it also seems that to sustain a career, you need to have a record available now on iTunes. We didn't come here for the music. We came for the hi-jinx...
Jinkx is the talent
While some of the other queens were guilty of camping it up in a 'we're at GAY on a Saturday night', Jinkx Monsoon and Sharon are the ones with the talent. We'll be checking the former at the Soho Theatre this April. Expect more vibes from the frontline then...