Sunday, 8 January 2012
Dr Doolittle was a man who forgo interactions with humans in favour of administering love, care and conversation to animals. 'Trailblazer' some people might say. 'Pervert' others might declare. But whatever his true flex was, the notion that animals present a totally different allure to human beings is one that cannot be sniffed at. It's probably possible to watch a rhino taking a shit for as long as it takes for the task to be completed. Adopting the same voyeuristic persona with a human bean would definitely be less appealing.
So it's true dat that animals possess plenty of big, stinky, hairy vibes. And the best possible way to capture those vibes in one fell swoop is by taking a visit to the zoo. Just t'other week we did this by journeying up out of London and into the dark recesses of Dunstable to Whipsnade Zoo. I've no fucking idea where this is in relation to anything but you definitely need to get in a car, get on a motorway and fuck off northwards out of the capital.
This was my first jaunt to Whipsnade and it turns out that the place is much less of a zoo and much more of a safari style park - one can drive around, stop and get out to discuss how easy it would be to steal one of the animals. When we went, it seemed like it would have been almost too easy to p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-pick up a penguin, stick it in the boot and do one for the surrounding hills. We bottled it. Obvs.
Instead we chose the well-worn path of the gormless tourist and did our best to watch shitloads of beasts going about their daily business. Rhinos, elephants, zebras, lions, tigers, cheetahs, hippos, deer, wolves - you name it, we probably cooed at it and saw it taking a shit. I took a few choice snaps of our savage friends but my favourite part was when we attempted to drive past a pair of camels in the Passage of Asia. This is a bit of gravel path where you can drive through without getting out and go up close to nature's finest. Check the video footage after the photos for the site of a grown woman being sent into a melt down by a camel. In Whipsnade, no one can hear you scream...
Stick that in yer trunk son
A wild, hairy cow
Just like in Jurassic Park
Hippos love to shit in clean water
Camel attacks tree while we watch placidly
'Adult mooses live a solitary life' - true dat
The back end of a shy buffalo
An unloose moose not in a hoose
Watch yer sens
March of the mallards