Tuesday, 4 October 2011
Once upon time in the West - Toronto part deux
I said hello to the first morning of being 30 in the same way many mornings of my supposed adult life have been greeted. With a desperate need for a glass of water and an explanation. But despite the memory loss, and the pain in the collective gut, we spent the next four days lording it up like princes. Proper princes.
On Friday we discovered it was Toronto's 'Beer Week' - and subsequently wandered round in the torrential rain until we found Bar Volo and it's extensive selection of micro-brewed ale. We consumed enough of their boozes to make friends with some Sheffield ex-pats, fell in love with the bar maid (again), ate a veal burger, then headed to Toddla T and Roska's show at the Mod Club. Behaviour took a turn for the lairy - we quaffed their beers, jived on the stage with the other liggers and acted like we owned the joint. Which we blatantly didn't. And woke up with the stench of guilt in the air and a business card belonging to someone from Vice magazine.
Our Saturday vibe was based around travelling from the penthouse to the pavement - via a limo natch. Turns out shitloads of the 'taxis' in Toronto are posh as fuck - so we made the five minute journey from the opulent hotel to the tidgy hostel in an extravagant a style as possible. Then entered a room as big as a thimble - stylez. But our low key dwellings inspired the trip to even more ludicrous heights...
We took a boat to the islands on Lake Ontario and wandered round a creepy, deserted children's fairground before heading back to dine in a greasy style at Hooter's. Canada's Wonderland was our destination the day after - here the vibe was all about scaring oneself witless on the ginormous roller coasters - I've never wailed so much. The Behemoth took the prize for its stomach churning drop but my eyes were glued shut for the duration. Like a little girl. Standard.
Our trip to Niagara the day after was dismantled by our own hand - we got too fucked up in the nearby Irish bar to make the hostel bus we'd booked - but being resourceful chaps, we set off anyway. And, after a train ride, a bus journey and a lengthy walk we found one of the wonders of the world. Then gave it five minutes of ogling before gipping off in search of the nearby Casino to lose the rest of our dollar dollar bills y'all.
That was that - The flight back was much like our jaunt out there - Fuelled by vodka, juice and cinematic treats with a side helping of Erasure before going into work on no sleep and answering shitloads of emails. Oooof. Props to Toronto for having us. And all the folk we drank, danced and drunkenly shouted at. You were all too kind...
Second breakfast as a 30 year old
Halloween cards - these fuckers are berserk
'beater in an Irish bag - keeping it classy
Canada knows what time it is - NEVER FAKE IT
Delicious micro-brewery business
It's a veal burger ting
Roska doing his ting at the Mod Club
Ligging it up proper stylez with T-dilly
The healing power of Quince
Our first hotel
Our second 'hotel'
Perving in the park
CORN DOG - it's a fucking CORN DOG
They take Halloween seriously
Hooters - the 'Bleu Burger' meal - pot of fat on the side
Boneless wings residue - no idea how they get them boneless
A moment of na... zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Taking the boat to Hooters
Canada's Wonderland - security just out of shot
The Psyclone in action
We went on this
And the Vortex
Stomach wobbling burritto - settle the nerves with summat trumpy
Whac a Mole - We got beaten by a child
Bricking it at the wheel
Massive fuck off prizes
We went on this
And this - The Behemoth
Then finished on this...
Throw the Ring - we bought 60 rings - won dick all
The elusive rings - fuck your rings
Waking up to realise we'd missed our coach to Niagara due to being too fucked on beers and jager
What we could have done
2 dogs in the claw are worth 4 in the bush
Our mission - bus, train and lengthy mooch
Found the fucker
Niagara Falls - the town - like Blackpool but with more meat
Niagara knows what time it is
Close up of the zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
To the Casino to try and regain all the dosh we spunked in Hooters
Stern words in the gents
Sex and the City fruity
First pay out didn't cut it
In the zone
Worried about leaving the hobs on
Cash collection point
400 bucks later...
The train back to the hostel - utterly fuck off massive
The bottom of our road
They do tings differently here
The final munch in Canadia - philly steak and beers
Proof we were here
Our pervy limo driver to the airport - wife in Canada - 5 young girlfriends in Cuba - EEK
Fuck you later Toronto
Airport bar - last of the denk
Final jager on Canadian soil - emotional moment in the bar
Even more emotional moment on paying
Our vessel back
Work desk - 9.25am on Wednesday - no sleep since Monday - thanks a lot