A tale of two roasts

24 hours in the food game at Xmas can see a brother gobbling foodstuffs which, while being made of similar ingredients, exist in totally different dimensions. One roast can be from Mars, the other from Venus. And so it was that on a Sunday, we sat down to enjoy a juicy leg of lamb at a gaff of a mate's in Harlesden. A pavlova had even been constructed to follow it down the gullet - gobble gobble.

On the Monday we went down from the penthouse to see what was being consumed on the pavement as we visited Wetherspoons in Hackney to sample their traditional festive grub. The roast was priced at a very reasonable £7.25 for both the meal and a delicious drink. However, after handing over the dosh, we were faced by a series of obstacles. It may be worth investing a little more in your roast dinner to ensure all parts of the plate have been exposed to similar levels of heat. Much of our din dins were quite chilly in parts. I felt sorry for some of the sprouts who looked like they needed some thick, thermal underwear.

The spoons eating experience en masse is quite something to behold. Meals fly out of the kitchen with no logic or any sense of consistency to the order in which they were requested. Some turned up with weird bits attached while others just didn't turn up. After a while, one of our party opted for a replacement soup as the one he'd requested had got lost somewhere between the kitchen and our table. His soup substitute arrived but after a while our chum discovered hunks of ham cowering under the green sludge masquerading as soup. For some of our party, this would have been deemed a true victory but for this poor veggie it was only another thing to be let down by.

Even worse, when we asked to be refunded in booze, we were informed that it wasn't company policy. You bastards! To commiserate we had some more pints and ignored the lack of apology. Spoons, I love you but you're bringing me down. Only slightly. See you soon...

Pavlova

Spoons starter - pate innit mate

Salmon ting